Why?

Daniel left for his training/schooling on August 21st and I was under the impression that he would be back by Thanksgiving. That would be about 2 weeks from now. But this is the military and I did expect some sort of delay to occur. So of course I wasn't surprised when he was first delayed an extra 3 or 4 weeks in the beginning. Then I figured since his training was delayed, most likely his schooling would be delayed. And true to parr, yes his schooling has been delayed and he's scheduled to graduate Jan 22. He's been in Kentucky now for a few weeks and is suppose to be starting school in a week or so. I can't remember exactly.

But...Houston, we have a problem. Because of all the physical strain from this particular field he is entering, he has been having severe problems with a disc in his back. He's been going to physical therapy which has helped some. Oh, and lots of pain meds to bare the pain. The doctor recommends now that he switch his MOS...or as you or I would call it, his job. Mainly because his job now is a very physical job and they don't think his body could handle what the job entails. So now he has to go through some big rigmarole to see if he can enter into another field of work. What happens if he can get another MOS? He will go through a different school which would most likely delay us and potentially relocate us to a different duty station. I.E. no Georgia. And, yes most likely will delay when he will start the school. And potentially delay when he finishes. Meaning he will be gone longer. And if he can't get another MOS? Well, potential surgery or even worse, he might not be able to stay in the military. Then what?

I'm not sure why my life has followed this pattern. We move here. We move there. We think we are doing this. Nope, we are doing that. It's constantly changing. And really, I don't mind change. I think I probably thrive on it in some sort of masochistic way. I know the eternal things in my life are a constant and everything else is sheer chaos. I love my life and I wouldn't change what I've been blessed to have or even where I've been able to live. I would just be nice to know where we are going and maybe even have my girls go to the same school for more than a year and a half.

My girls are always so positive and adaptable to all we've dragged them through. I'm so grateful for that. And I guess really as long as the spiritual things are a constant then nothing else really matters, right? I mean, I feel like I've been bred to live this lifestyle. Always moving and changing. I don't know, maybe it will prepare me for the multiple missions I hope to serve when I am older.

I just sometimes ask my self these questions. Will I ever own a home? Will my kids have the opportunity to start and finish the same high school? Will they have lifetime friends like I have in my life? How will the choices I make now affect my children as they grow up? Will I get to return to my hometown someday that I love so much?

Yes I know I over analyze things too much. I'm told that too often. And I plan very, very far in the future. So far in fact that I often forget to plan for the present. It's the super mom disease that I've got (thank you psyche for that constant reminder embedded in my head for the rest of my life). I have to stop trying to be perfect at everything. I have to mess up at some things. So my children can have something to blame me for when they are teenagers for why I've made their lives miserable. Cause there will be something so I better make it worth their while, right?

But how do I become someone I am not. How do I not worry about all those little things? How can I just let life happen and embrace the present?

Anyway, here I am going off on a tangent of mine when it started with being frustrated with the unknown. Oh that's right. It's because I'm not in control. I'll just leave it in the hands of the Lord and sit back and enjoy the ride....OK, I'll try anyway!